I swear that every time I turn on the Blagoweb (h/t Scott) and I look at something other than some geeky computer hardware discussion forum, I see some bullshit like this sadly predictable victim blaming and all I want to do is write a long cuss-filled post about it, and really, I’m trying to get past the days of long cuss-filled posts. Not that Chris Brown isn’t worthy of all the cussing the world could muster (and some serious jail time too), but damnit I’m trying to be the “kinder, gentler,” angry black man these days. But yes, I will say unequivocally that Chris Brown is an ass and I have no love or respect for him or any of his “supporters.”
(And as a side note, I don’t give a shit if some white dudes got to keep their jobs/have their songs on the radio/continue to make millions of dollars after beating on a woman. That does not, in any way whatsoever, justify, excuse, or give Brown a pass on what he did. That argument so misses the point that if you don’t get it I suggest that you just leave this blog right now and never come back. Really, how the hell can you not see this as nothing but bullshit plain and simple?)
Fortunately, there are those out there that are able to articulate themselves without resorting to long, cuss-filled posts. To wit: Frank Leon Roberts’ A Black Male Feminist’s Guide to Anti-Misogynist Black Politics (AKA: Why We Can’t Support Chris Brown). I’m only going to post the myths. You need to go to the original post to see the right on responses.
Misogynist Myth 1:
“Chris Brown is a good kid. Something must have really pushed him over the edge. He does not deserve to be dragged through the mud like this. Black men are always being represented as extra-sexist, which isn’t fair. Overall Chris Brown is great role model for black men. ”Misogynist Myth 2:
Rihanna must have “Provoked” It. She “asked” for it.Misogynist Myth #3:
Well, both of them were in the wrong. Why are we focusing exclusively on Chris Brown’s wrong-doing? Clearly this man needs help. Should’nt we be trying to support Chris Brown and make sure that he gets the help that he needs?
Yeah, what Roberts said. Just add a lot of cussing for good measure and you’ll get my take on the matter.
My blackness is in tact… and Chris still needs to go to jail.
Exactly.
What really pisses me off are the ones that claim that this a modern day lynching on Brown. I just want to say Negro please. It does not matter that white men beat their wives too. All that matter is this man decided that it was his right to beat a woman. This is not the kind of black masculinity that we want to promote.
Heh. My inbox is filling up with people telling me that this is a “modern day lynching” and that I’m a dumb ass for refusing to support Brown. Why they aren’t leaving comments and are sending me emails instead is beyond me.
Agrees with Shae Shae.
The victim blaming is all over. At The Root, for example, is this nonsense: http://www.theroot.com/blogs/hardline/private-line. Apparently the key to ending domestic violence is to just stop reading your partner’s private email…
Another blog I came across was saying that DV against black women would magically cease if black women didn’t buy Chris Brown’s records.
As if economic sanctions by black women would somehow miraculously cure Chris Brown of his desire to be abusive towards women.
Then you don’t have any love and respect for me. If it’s wrong for a man to hit a woman, doesn’t that mean it’s wrong for a woman to hit a man.
I feel we do a dis-service to young men, and women, by not properly educating them on abuse. Anyone can be abusive, and anyone can get caught in the cycle of abuse. You may say not me, perhaps, but maybe you are fortunate to have the wisdom to know a relationship has escalated to the point of know return, but a large number of women and men don’t.
What Chris Brown did was shameful and unacceptable, but I’m not for a lynch mob mentality. They boy is 19 caught up in a world that grown men can’t handle. Why the outrage now, why is he the escape goat. Why not Diddy, Jason Kidd, or Ron Artest. This has been going on for far too long, and the only reason we are outrage is because it’s Rihanna, America’s sweetheart. If it was Lil Kim or Trina, no one would bat an eye lid.
Chris Brown does not need to be lynched, he needs counseling about the dynamics of relationship. Putting him jail will only fuel the violence.
I had to shut down blog post and stop posting on this subject because fans on both side were getting outrageous, not to mention illiterate.
I think the problem is best solved by getting to the root of the problem, and finding male mentors, and counselors that help him make better choices in relationships. Chris Brown should have walked away long before it came to this…
Actually, I respect you a lot. Why? Well, one reason is that you come to my blog and can disagree with me without resorting to verbal violence (I’ve gotten and seen a lot of that over the years). I don’t even want to equate the arguments/disagreements that I’ve witnessed on blogs to Domestic Violence, but I’ve noticed that a lot of people that are adamant Brown supporters in all of this are some of the most verbally violent people I’ve seen recently. You should see my email inbox. I’m getting called every name imaginable; I’ve been told to go to every place no one wants to go; and I’ve had some of the most abominable acts imaginable wished upon my person (I’m curious as to why people feel the need to email me rather than leave a comment here, too). So, it’s hard for me not to equate a lot of Brown supporters in all of this mess with people that are generally inclined towards violently lashing out towards anything that they don’t like. Maybe I shouldn’t do that. It is the internets after all, and so I’m willing to reflect more on my stance on all of this.
I like coming here because I know I will get an intellectual debate. I, too have an inbox full of ignorant comments, so many that it was easier to shut down the post, than to delete them. These “supporters” are out of line, and I know exactly what you are experience.
My myth that I want to add that I hear from other women, whenever you try to be objective about the situation:
Myth 1: That means you condone violence. That means you except violence against women. You don’t know what it’s like to be abused.
Myth 2: There isn’t anything a woman can do that could make a man hit her.
On myth 1, what Chris Brown did was wrong!!! I think we can all agree on that. Does that make him a serial abuser? Maybe, Maybe Not. Does that make me hate him? No. Do I sympathize with him? Yes. Do I sympathize with Rihanna? Yes. Do I condone violence against women? No! Do I condone violence against men? No! Do I think Chris Brown should go to jail? Perhaps, but only cause it’s the law, not because I think he will learn his lesson there.
On myth 2, we really need to stop believing that. Every human has a breaking point, and violence hurts no matter the source. Does that mean it justifies Rihanna getting beat down like Mike Tyson? Hell No! Does it mean we need to rethink how we teach our daughters to love? Yes! Does that mean we also need to teach out sons? Yes!
On myth 2
Actually, we need to start promoting that as gospel. There IS NOTHING a woman can do that will motivate or justify physical violence from a man or vice versa.
Do human beings have breaking points? Sure. However to say that a breaking point equals a reason or justification of any kind seriously misses the point.
How, for example, do you determine what is/is not a justifiable breaking point?
Just as all people have breaking points every individuals point of no return is different. Implying in any way shape or form that this behavior is victim motivated opens the floodgates for domestic violence for even the slightest infraction with ‘hey I just reached my breaking point’ as an instant excuse.
I don’t care what you color you are, what gender you are or what communities you belong to, there is no such thing as a victim motivated domestic violence attack.
To imply otherwise is to place people of both genders at further risk for violence and worse coaches those in the position to help to disbelieve or place blame where it simply doesn’t belong.
At your breaking point?
Walk Away.
My stand is this, and will always remain this. No MAN or WOMAN should hit or hurt another! Both MEN and WOMEN are very capable of being violent and abusive. Teach both your SONS and DAUGHTERS to not hit and hurt. To just tell men to walk away is not a comprehensive approach [PERIOD], everyone needs to walk away.
If someone hits you once, [LEAVE].
I see where you’re coming from, but I’ve never been that blogger or commenter. I’m not one to Victim Blame and I’m not taking the stance I do because Rihanna is a “sweetheart” and Lil’ Kim supposedly isn’t. I’m taking my stance because I believe that a serious case of Domestic Violence has taken place and someone (read: Chris Brown) needs to be held accountable for it. I’d like to think that I’ve always responded to these types of situations similarly, but I’ve deleted this blog so many times that it’s hard to offer that ever-elusive “proof” that everyone wants on the intertubes these days.
I’m not arguing for him to be lynched (and I do understand that you are being metaphorical here), but I do think he need to be held accountable for his actions. Yes, I think he should spend some time in jail (counseling would be good while he’s there, too). There is a whole other story to be told about Black men and jail that might need to be taken into account here, tho. Is that where your “putting him in jail” = “lynching” comes from?
Not you i particular, but on every news outlet there’s a conversation about domestic violence, as if it’s something new that has never happened before.
When they asked Natalie Cole what she thought, she said, “I’m not surprised, it’s part of this business. I love them both.” Unlike most celebs she wasn’t trying to be politically correct.
This is an ongoing problem and I just wish it was treated as such. I hope we are always this upset, and not because it’s too stars. People wasn’t this outrage with Michael Jackson the second time around, when he already new better guilty or not.
Does that mean, I don’t think we should discuss it? No, I just want to put it in perspective. If it’s wrong, then stay outraged.
You are not the lynch mob, Robin Givens, media hogs, and these so called “supporters” are the lynch mob…
Blackness card doesn’t have anything to do with, I think people genuinely feel that Chris Brown is more good than bad. If there is something redeemable, let’s take the time to fix it.
I’m equally against, lynch mobs, as I am against domestic violence. No one knows any of the details, but everyone has an opinion that ranges from extreme to extreme. I guess the counselor in me says before we label Rihanna or Chris Brown based on our projections, let’s just back off.
I’m tired of people telling Rihanna she’s crazy or weak, I’m tired of people saying it’s her fault, I tired of people turning a blind-eye to her admissions that she has been abusive to him in the past and he has walked away or redirected his anger.
I’m tired of people calling Chris Brown evil, I’m tired of them acting like it’s OK for him to beat a woman like she’s man, and I tired of dodging the press and not taking responsibility for his actions.
The story is so complicated that I’m just tired.
I don’t know what happens behind closed doors, but what’s clear is he didn’t slap her, or punch her, or whatever, he beat her down, choked her our and bit her. WTF? Not saying he can’t use therapy, that’s #2 on the list. #1 is jail. Tough love.
I understand your point, but what is jail going to do? Jail is not a deterent against violence? Jails already filled to the rim, and yet men keeping on beating women. Violence begets violence. Him going to jail will make us feel good, but it won’t solve the problem.
I just don’t underdstand why people are so passionate about this case,and this mess has been going on for years. Off with his head, but let the rest ride.We make jokes about Ike and Tina, we let star athelets accused of rape (did anyone read Kobe’s transcript, he choked an 18 year old) and abuse play in the games, and we turn a blind eye to top notch celebrities.
Now we won’t a 19 year old with no other signs or history of abuse or ofenses to be locked under the jail.
He needs to be punished by doing some psa, some serious services to shelters.something far more useful with a better reach, that normal men can’t do.
I’m all for outrage, but I need it applied across the board.
Sorry about all the typos, I am on my blackberry.
No worries. I respond from my Blackberry all the time. Typos are no big deal around these parts.
@Everyone: please give me a little bit of time to think through all of this and write a coherent response. It’ll most definitely be another blog post, but I hope to take this conversation to another level.
DAMN this post, this blog, and these comments are full of energy! What a fantastic introduction to you and your blog. (Linked over here from Sophia’s Call.)
Why thank you, and welcome to the blog. Sorry things have been quiet around here lately. I’ve been in a semi-hiatus the last month or so.
This has been a good thread, free of trolls and full of smart people. I haven’t had to delete any comments or curse anyone out, which I must admit surprises me with this topic.
Anyway, hope to see you around again.
Chris Brown was wrong for beating on Rihanna.
Rhianna will be some kind of wrong if she does not testify to what happened.
I am always amazed how many ghetto passes are issued out to high profile figures when they are obviously abusers.
But, Chris gets no love from me for what happened. It is what it is and it was ugly!
Both of them need to seek professional help. Because it is obvious that they both have major issues to resolve.